To Preserve and Defect
To Preserve and Defect is the tenth episode of the third season of Crash Bandicoot: N-Ventures!, though it was the twelfth episode produced. In this episode, Dingodile decides to build the world's finest nature preserve in Dingo Canyon, but the nefarious Dr. Nitrous Oxide sees an opportunity to manipulate Crash and his new friend, with the ultimate goal of turning Dingo Canyon Island into a parking lot. Meanwhile, Tiny Tiger is forced to cook breakfast for Dr. Neo Cortex. During pre-production, the episode was known as Nature vs. Torcher. Plot Summary It's bedtime in Cortex Castle, and Dr. Neo Cortex is roaming the halls, tucking in all of his beloved minions for a good night's sleep. He starts by tucking in his good friend Dr. N. Gin, even going as far as to adjust Ginny's missile for optimal comfort position. He tucks the Komodo Brothers into their clown-themed bunk beds. (Joe's on top, of course.) He helpfully ties Ripper Roo into his warm fuzzy strait-blanket. He gives Rilla Roo a "chamomile pacifier" to help lull him off to dreamland. He helps the ever-rambunctious Dingodile start to feel sleepy by putting on a CD of jazz-a-byes. He helps Beddy-Bye Bill convince Nocturna-Larry to turn in early for once. He tucks Dr. Nitrous Oxide into his children's race-car-shaped bed, then tucks Pinstripe Potoroo into his similar cannon-shaped bed. Since Tropy has an early date with N. Traction tomorrow, he assists the timelord in setting the alarm on his alarm clock hat. Cortie even manages to make it through tucking in Tiny Tiger without erupting into rage! Glancing back down the hallway, Cortie pats himself on the back for a job well done. He's a terrific uncle, he thinks to himself! But Uka Uka has a minor nitpick. "Since when is Oxide one of our minions?" Cortie thinks for a second, then breaks down, crying, as Uka scolds him for failing the "not letting our enemies spy on us" scheme! They're so loud that Tiny wakes up and comes out, nightcap and all, to see what's happening. Cortie, upset about the interruption, declares that not only is Tiny grounded for life, he's also being sent to bed without dinner tonight! But, Tiny protests, he's already eaten dinner! Cortex just sighs, and says that the only way to make things right now is for Tiny to prepare one free meal for his Uncle Cortie. Tiny scurries off to bed, excited at the prospect of making something so yummy that Cortie will love him again! Glad that this crisis is averted, Cortex dusts off his hands and opts to turn in for the night. Uka yells at Cortex for forgetting to do something about Oxide, again, but Cortie just calmly tells him that it's too late to be bothered with these things. "I'll just make sure to throw him out twice if he tries to pull this trick tomorrow night," he assures the masky one. Uka still isn't sure this is safe, but decides not to argue with Cortex, since he's beginning to fail the "staying awake" scheme as well. Cortie smiles, and pulls Uka Uka up over him like a blanket, as the two drift off to sleep. Meanwhile, back in Dingodile's room, we see that Dingodile is having a dream. Which, of course, we get to see. It's Dingodile as a child, living happily with his parents, Crocodile Clair (Tara Charendoff) and Dingo Pete (Tim Curry)! Crocodile Clair gives her adorable son a bottle filled with crocodile milk. Dingo Pete gives his adorable son a propeller beanie. Dingodile feels so loved! But suddenly, a sinister mailman (Jim Cummings) knocks at the door. He hands Dingodile's parents vacation brochures to the world's finest nature preserve, Lé Plácé déúx Páréé, halfway around the globe in beautiful France. Crocodile Clair is intrigued, because it sounds utterly luxurious. Dingo Pete is also intrigued, because he's tired of being hunted by predators, and would prefer living somewhere where he's safe. It's settled, they declare! They're heading off to live their lives in Lé Plácé déúx Páréé! But first, they need to get rid of that blasted child, they grumble. In the middle of a dark and stormy night, they stuff Dingodile into a bassinet, leave him on Cortex Castle's front porch, ring the doorbell, and run away. Uncle Cortie answers the door, and reads the note attached: "Please take care of our baby! Signed, Crocodile Clair and Dingo Pete." Cortie attempts to soothe the baby, but is an abject failure at this, because he just keeps absent-mindedly talking about how Dingodile's parents are gone and he'll never see them again and he's all alone now. Suddenly, Dingodile sits up straight and awakens from his nightmare in a cold sweat! Thankfully, it was all just a dream. But, that's the third time this week he's had one of these dreams. He picks up the bananaphone and dials Dr. Polar. Dingo apologises for the lateness, but he needs help, pronto. Dr. Polar says he'll be right over, and this is proven to be true when he immediately crashes through the window! Dingodile explains the nightmares he's been having about his childhood - which means we get to watch the same exact footage again, but this time with a new voiceover. Polar says it's obvious that Dingodile is troubled by these events in his past, and that he needs to do something about it before he spirals out of control. But Polar can't be bothered to explain what, since it's so late. Polar stumbles back out the window, leaving Dingodile alone. He thinks for a few seconds, then comes up with a brilliant plan. He'll turn his beloved Dingo Canyon into the world's finest nature preserve for endangered animals! That way, maybe his parents will love him again! Dingodile is pleased with this plan, and comfortably falls back asleep. But on the other side of the (apparently rather thin) wall, we see that Dr. Nitrous Oxide heard everything. And he's furious! Turning Dingo Canyon into a nature preserve is frivolous and wasteful, he bellows! Suddenly, Oxide gets a most brilliant plan. He's going to turn Dingo Canyon into a parking lot instead! "It's so brilliant, it can't fail!" Oxide is pleased with this plan, and comfortably falls back asleep. A few days later, in the Bandicoots' lovely beach house, Crashie is jolted out of a deep sleep by his sister, Coco. Crash is angry - "What's the deal with waking me up so early?", he asks, angrily. But Coco points out that it isn't early - it's already three in the afternoon! Crash suddenly panics, because this means he missed today's new episode of The Bold and the Bandiful. Out of anger, he hurls his Wumpalarm clock at Coco! But she simply ducks it, and tries to reassure him by saying they're going to do something "almost as fun" today. They're attending the grand opening of Dingodile's Dingo Canyon Nature Preserve Island! Crash seems sceptical of this plan. He asks, "Isn't Dingodile one of our enemies?" "Not so much lately", replies Coco. Meanwhile, Tiny is trying to study for his upcoming cooking project. He's reading as many cookbooks as he can in preparation. There's just one problem: he doesn't understand what any of this fancy-schmancy cooking terminology means! "What's a spoon?", he ponders. He thinks for a second, and vaguely recalls Crash using a "Spoon Attack" a lot. Maybe he should try that! Tiny pours a bunch of ingredients into a bowl, and then hops inside and spins, just like Crashie! But this accomplishes nothing, aside from making a huge mess. Maybe he's simply too powerful for such puny ingredients! Feeling defeated, Tiny figures he should just wait and ask his best friend in the whole wide world, Dr. N. Gin. Meanwhile, Crash and Coco arrive at Dingodile's Dingo Canyon Nature Preserve Island just in time for Dingodile's grand unveiling! Crash feels generally indifferent, but Coco, the radical environmentalist, is thrilled with Dingodile's plan. She even made a "sign" to show her support, though it's just Aku Aku with "GO NATURE!!!" painted on his face. Other important people are in attendance, too. There's Dr. Neo Naturtex, accompanied by Birdie Bill and Tweet Tweet Tweet Larry. Uncle Naturtie is excited to see what his favourite minion is up to now, though Bill and Larry just sharply state that Dingodile had better make this quick, since they need to fly south for winter later today. Ripper Roo is there, along with a bottle of TNTonic to keep him cool in the hot desert. Dr. Nefarious Tropy and Dr. Nellibelle Traction are also there - Tropy complains that this park is taking up valuable space that should've been devoted to something more important like a giant clock, while Traction is far more supportive of her good friend Dingodile. Komodo Joe and Komodo Moe are also there, to attempt their latest stunt - Komodo Joe loads Komodo Moe into a cannon and lights the fuse, hoping to shoot him clear over the vast canyon, but after Moe gets shot out of the cannon, he notices a field of cacti on the other side, and is forced to spread his lizardy wingflaps and glide over them to safety. Komodo Joe berates his brother for always ruining their act like this, but Komodo Moe says that gliding is arguably more impressive than some standard boring human cannonball routine. President Papu Papu is also there, accompanied by Nature Preserve Fan Spencer and Strawberry Preserves Fan Sheldon. Pinstripe is also there, accompanied by Rilla Roo, whose head is "hilariously" stuck inside Tommy. Frenchie Waiter is in attendance as well, and we see that he has been so moved by Dingodile's nature crusade that he has decided to release all his escargot back into the wild. Melbrook Gabbons is also there, but it's only to promote his new nature film, Free-Range Bird on a Wire. Oh, and Pura's also in the crowd. Dingodile happily welcomes everyone to the unveiling, and explains that he's very proud to be the owner of the world's finest nature preserve. He pulls out a large pair of scissors and snips the ribbon - the preserve is now officially open for business! But Crash complains that this thing is just a waste of taxpayer money, and goes off on a long rant about how nature is for idiots and the hi-tech world of Wumpavision is the wave of the future. But, suddenly, Crash trips over a rock and lands on one of the leaf beds Dingodile made. Crash quickly changes his tune, because this bed is very comfortable, and Crashie loves sleeping. Crash wants to rent a room! Dingodile says that this can be arranged, and introduces Crash to his new roommate, Vladimir the Vulture (Special Guest Star Pat Finn). Vladimir is excited to have someone to talk to, and begins speaking at length about how lonely he's been until today. But Crashie angrily interrupts him, telling the vulture to shut up and just let the bandicoot sleep away the afternoon! Vladimir eagerly complies with his new best friend's request. Meanwhile, Dr. N. Gin is attempting to teach Tiny how to make a delicious omelette for his Uncle Cortie. First, Ginny shows Tiny how to crack an egg. "Now you try cracking an egg!" Tiny picks up an egg, and smashes it against the table, splattering egg matter everywhere! "Close enough," N. Gin supposes. Next come the fillings. Gin pulls out a big block of Wumburger cheese and shreds some on a cheese grinder. "Now you try grinding some cheese!" Tiny picks up the chunk of cheese and the grinder, and ponders the situation for a moment before slamming the Wumburger up against the grinder as hard as he can. This shatters the metal cheese grinder, meanwhile having no effect upon the cheese. Gin tosses a pepper into his missile and presses a button marked "Puree". "Now you try slicing up a pepper!" Tiny pulls out a pepper grinder he borrowed from his good friend Frenchie Waiter and drops it down into Ginny's missile, then hits the button. Predictably, it cannot be pureed, and instead just causes the pepper grinder to become irremovably wedged deep inside Ginny's missile. "You're hopeless," Ginsters declares angrily! "There's no way you'll ever be able to cook Dr. Cortex a nice meal alone!" Tiny is worried now, because he doesn't want to disappoint his favourite uncle! Tiny reaches inside N. Gin's missile in an attempt to unwedge the pepper grinder, but instead, Tiny's arm just becomes stuck inside Ginny's missile, too! Gin thinks it's awful, but Tiny says he has a cunning plan. "More cunning than my Super-Cunning Second to None-ing Amazingly Fun-ing Gets Everything Done-ing Cunning-O-Tron 2000?", asks Ginny. Tiny thinks for a second, then just shrugs his shoulders. Meanwhile, it's bedtime at Dingodile's Dingo Canyon Nature Preserve, and Dingodile is tucking in all his tenants for a good night's sleep. He gives Crashie a stuffed Wumpa Fruit plushie to cuddle with. He gives Vladimir a relaxing shoulder massage. Finally, he gives Oxide a second royal robe, so he'll be extra comfy and warm. Upon reaching his own bed, Dingodile thinks to himself, "Since when does Dr. Oxide live here?" But it's late, so he'll just deal with it in the morning. There's only one thing left to do - he dials Crocodile Clair and Dingo Pete on his bananaphone, and tells them of the wonderful nature preserve he built right here on Dingodile Island. It's even better than Lé Plácé déúx Páréé! Now they can be a family again! Much to his surprise, though, they're not too enthusiastic about moving at this point in their lives. "We're just too old!" Dingodile hangs up, and starts weeping. "If I can't impress Mommy and Daddy, then this thing has no reason to even be here," he complains to himself! We pan over to Oxide, and discover that he heard everything Dingodile said. Oxide is pleased! "Everything's playing right into my plan," he declares, whilst rubbing his stubby alien hands together. He even lets out some maniacal laughter, for good measure. The next morning, Oxide wakes up Crash and Vladimir nice and early. He tells them all about what he heard Dingodile say last night, twisted to his own whims of course - Dingodile only cares about his parents, not good common folk like bandicoots and vultures! Vladimir is horrified, and comes to the conclusion that if his good friend Dingodile no longer cares about him, then they all have to find someone who does. It's time to take their business elsewhere! But Crashie isn't so sure. "This bed is sooooo comfortable!" Vladimir points out that, if Dingodile no longer cares, he'll probably neglect to ever change the sheets on the bed for Crash ever again. Then the once-comfy bed would just become unbearably lumpy! This immediately changes his mind. They have to find a different nature reserve to sleep at! Later that same morning, Oxide shakes Dingodile awake, and informs him that Crash and Vladimir have decided to move away. Furthermore, he explains that as Dingodile's Dingo Canyon Nature Preserve Island no longer has any tenants, he is now permitted to steamroll the entire canyon and convert it into a parking lot, as per the contract they signed. Dingodile doesn't recall signing any contract with Oxide, but the alien quickly produces a piece of paper with the word "CONTRACT" scribbled on it, so Dingodile decides not to argue with it. "Besides, what difference does it make if Mamadile and Papa Dingo still won't visit me?" Dingodile agrees to let Oxide follow through with his plans, and takes his leave from Dingo Canyon. Meanwhile, the day has finally come for Tiny Tiger to prepare Uncle Cortie's breakfast. We see that Tiny is wearing a trenchcoat with big giant sleeves, for a reason that is quickly made obvious to us: namely, that it is intended to conceal the fact that N. Gin is still connected to the end of his arm via his missile. This way, Ginny expositionally states, he can do all the cooking work for Tiny, but Tiny can still take credit! Tiny thanks Ginny for his kindness. N. Gin says it's no problem, as he always likes to help out a friend. Tiny then suggests that maybe they should hang out sometime. N. Gin responds, "Yeah, maybe we should", in a way that lets us know he's clearly lying. At this point, we see a lame montage of them performing various food-related tasks together, set to this week's original song, "The Fry-nal Cookdown". Meanwhile, Crashie and Vladimir are strolling down the side of the highway. They're tattered and exhausted. Finding another nature preserve is harder than they thought! Vladimir thinks maybe they should've actually had a destination in mind instead of just wandering blindly and hoping to get lucky, but Crashie just regards this as the insane ramblings of a dehydrated fool. Suddenly, Crashie notices Frenchie's Famous Wumpanade Bar up ahead. This would be the perfect way to help his good friend Vladimir regain coherency! "What's Wumpa Fruit?", asks Vladimir. Crash is offended by his ignorance, and threatens to disown Vladimir as his best friend if the vulture doesn't go inside and become acquainted with the Wump straight away! They walk inside, where they are greeted by Frenchie Wumper, who asks if he can take their order. Crash orders a Wumparilla for himself. "But serve it in a dirty glass," he adds, edgily. After much deliberation, Vladimir decides to order a Diet Seventy-Wump. Frenchie Wumper jots down their order, and informs them that "your other waiter" will bring it out in just a jiffy. In just a jiffy, the other waiter brings it out....and Crash and Vladimir are shocked to see that it's Dingodile! And Dingodile is equally shocked to see their tattered and exhausted appearance. Dingodile asks what happened to his friends, only to be met with shouting from Vladimir: "Do you even KNOW how hard it is to find good lodging in today's market???" Suddenly, Dingodile feels horrible about his actions! He was so caught up with worrying about his own selfish desires that he forgot how much other people need him, too! Plus, without the income from Dingodile's Dingo Canyon Nature Preserve Island, he's been forced to take a second job simply to survive. Crash, Vladimir, and Dingodile all agree: it would benefit all three of them to take the nature preserve back from the nefarious Dr. Oxide! They hug and make up. Then, Crashie guzzles his Wumparilla quickly. Vladimir takes a few sips from his Diet Seventy Wump, but is unable to finish it, and so offers the rest to Dingodile. Crash just rolls his eyes. Freshly hydrated, the trio bolts out the door to stop Oxide before it's too late! From behind the bar, Frenchie Wumper begins musing about his past, to no one in particular. He's touched by how Dingodile is letting his tenants move back in, and only wishes that his Frenchie Landlord had done the same for him after he was ouivicted. A tear trails down his cheek and lands in the glass he was idly wiping out. Meanwhile, Oxide slips his laser key into the ignition of his high-tech space steamroller, as he monologues to himself about how awesome it is to be alone here in Dingo Canyon. "With everyone gone, now there's nothing to stop me from turning this dump into a parking lot," he muses. Just then, however, a trio of voices ring out: "NOT SO FAST!" It's Dingodile and Crash and Vladimir, of course! Dingodile says it was very rude of Oxide to tell his friends these terrible things about him, even if they were true at the time. Vladimir thinks it's terrible that he'd even want to destroy natural habitat environment zones like this. Crash hates parking lots because driving simply is not fun. The trio demands that Oxide cease and desist, but Oxide orders them all to get out of his way. "You promised to leave me alone, it's all in the contract!" "Contract schmontract!", replies Dingodile, wittily. Angry at this, Oxide starts throwing green ectoplasm balls at Dingodile, all of which he dodges easily. If Oxide won't leave peacefully, they decide they have no choice but to execute their super-secret teamwork move! First, Crashie starts a Spin Attack. Then, Dingodile breathes fire at him. Somehow, the spinning causes the fire to bend around Crashie's body and start twisting and glowing hotter than ever! This flame twirls and swirls around Vladimir's body, not harming him but actually making him very powerful, for some reason. Vladimir flies up and starts fire-pecking Oxide! Out of desperation, Oxide tries to shield himself with the contract, but Vladimir's superheated beak causes it to burst into flames immediately upon contact. At this moment, Bill and Larry fly in, still in their bird-themed costumes. But they insist, despite their garb, that they are now Lawyer Bill and Banister Larry. They announce that the contract is officially null and void, because it was obviously a forgery. Oxide gasps! "How did you know?" Bill points out that most REAL legal documents are printed on fireproof paper. Oxide curses himself for his foolish oversight. Then, Vladimir lands one last fire-peck on the steamroller itself, causing it to comically explode and send Oxide flying off over the horizon! Everyone breathes a sigh of relief. Suddenly, Polar and Ripper Roo parachute in. Ripper Roo says he saw an explosion, and wanted to investigate, for obvious reasons. And Polar just loves running around in canyons in general. Ripper Roo confesses that he still doesn't understand why Dingodile even wanted to open a nature preserve in the first place. Dingodile admits that he originally just desperately wanted to please his parents, but he's since learned a more valuable lesson about the power of friendship. The esteemed Dr. Roo questions where Dingodile got the silly, misguided idea that he could fix his family problems in just one day by opening this place, but Polar quickly changes the subject to ice cream. Crashie likes Wumpy Hubby, whereas Vladimir prefers Caramel Carrion Chip. Crash says that's just one of many reasons that they could never be friends - and that's why he's moving back to his beach house. Besides, he was starting to get tired of the hustle and bustle of nature preserve life, anyway. Nonetheless, Vladimir thanks him for being honest, and the two say they'll always treasure the memories of their once-grand friendship, as they share one last parting hug. Meanwhile, Tiny Tiger presents his Uncle Cortie with a mysterious egg dish for breakfast. Cortie asks what Tiny calls it. Tiny hesitates, and puts his ear up to his sleeve. We hear a bunch of whispering. Tiny nods, and informs Cortex that it's his famous "Hey Hey Hey, It's the Perfect Start to the Day, By Making Your Hungriness Go Away, So That Happiness Can Come and Stay, From Now Clear Through the Month of May, Spinach and Cheese and Chocol-ay, Soufflie Soufflie Soufflé!". Cortex is completely confused by Tiny's actions, but just shrugs it off. Now it's time for the moment of truth: Cortie pulls out his laser fork and takes a big bite of Tiny's soufflé. It's delicious, he decides! He quickly devours the rest, after which he declares this the finest breakfast that has ever been served in the hallowed halls of Cortex Castle. This news makes Tiny happy, and his tail starts wagging underneath the trenchcoat, which looks about as awkward as you'd expect. Tiny is pleased to have finally made his uncle happy, and gives him a big hug out of gratitude. Much to his shock, however, Dr. Cortex announces that Tiny is grounded for a second lifetime! Even though he liked the soufflé, he's still upset, because "it's all going straight to my thighs". Tiny hangs his head in shame, and stomps up to his bedroom, unwittingly bumping Ginny's head up against a bunch of stuff on the way. Cortex wonders to himself why Tiny's right hand is screaming, but again decides not to question it. Tiny's weird, why put more thought into it than that? Meanwhile, we see Crashie back at home, watching Wumpavision with Coco. Coco says she's glad to have her big brother back, but Crashie tells her to hush, since his new favourite sitcom, WUMP in Wumpcinnati, is about to start. (We see a brief clip from the show, which is lazily just footage from Nitrous Talkside Radio with redubbed audio and a laugh track.) Crashie muses that short-wave radio is a thoroughly underrated invention, since it is equally beneficial both to government spies as well as us common folk. He advises the children at home to have their parents buy them one today.